Lake Ontario - The End of the Line

And we end, right where it all began. Lake Ontario. I never really gave this one much thought. It is always here. A Great Lake like the rest, but like Michigan, there was an air of familiarity that made it an also-ran. But experiencing the other lakes enhanced my image of the lake in my own backyard.

I've had some adventures on this lake. Tossing aside those faded pseudo-memories of a Lake Michigan beach visit, I can say that this was my first. I'm not from New York, but I did visit a cousin who lived near here, in Liverpool, way back in the mid-seventies. I remember distinctly a trip to Fort Ontario, an old British, and later, American fort. Once a battleground in the War of 1812. I remember getting a blue old timey military cap, the firing of cannons, and the biggest lake I had ever seen, just outside.

 In my time here in New York, our little family has been swimming IN Lake Ontario, eaten dinner BESIDE Lake Ontario, and even got stuck out ON Lake Ontario. Yes, out fishing with a friend, the motor on the boat took the rest of the day off. The oars came out and we did our Viking oarsman thing. Heave! Ho! Yeah, we got nowhere.  In the end, what got us to shore was a tow job from the U.S. Coast Guard. It was pretty cool to get screened and searched as if we might have been smugglers. Lots of questions. Checking our ID's and searching the boat. It was like being in an episode of Miami Vice. I'm sure I'm not the first person to compare Oswego, New York to Miami.

 

 The route of our Great Lakes trip took us along side of Lake Ontario on our way back through Canada. Even though we had been to Lake Ontario many times, to make it official, we took the time for an actual visit shortly after our return home. Of course, we went to Rudy's. If you're going to Lake Ontario, you have to go to Rudy's Lakeside Drive-In. Oh, what a wonderful place! Described by my wife as "deep fried yummy on a stick," Rudy's is not a place for health food. Like Sponge Bob says of the Crabby Patty, "It is good for your soul". Walk up to order cheeseburgers, fried shrimp, and wings along with a Byrne Dairy chocolate milk chaser. Sit and watch the waves while the kids swim. Or just chuck rocks out into the water. Watching the sunset and squeezing my woman. That is Lake Ontario to me.
 

So, we stopped by all five Great Lakes. Technically, what is the big deal? You could say they all look the same. Just some big lakes. But they all had unique views and experiences that made them special. What I remember most of Lake Ontario on our trip is seeing the Toronto skyline from the opposite side of the lake. All the way from St. Catherine’s, a good 30 – 40 miles away, there it was on the horizon, just waiting for us. We've done so much, and still, there is so much more to see.

Don't Wait

There is this album released in 1965 by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass. The cover has a woman who would appear to be wearing nothing but an outfit made entirely of a tasty white dairy topping. Whipped Cream and Other Delights was the title. My sister insists that we had the album at home growing up, but I don’t remember it. And this isn’t an album cover a young boy would forget.

 

I have a friend that I worked with who first told me about the album. Her dad was a fan of Herb Alpert and as a kid and she always thought this cover was funny to look at. That was probably two years ago. We don’t even work in the same building anymore.  

 

I came across Whipped Cream and Other Delights at the thrift store a while back. The cover and the disk were both in pretty good shape. I paid a whopping 99¢ for the album. I thought of my friend and that this little reminder of her childhood might be a nice, albeit small gift. Maybe I’d give it to her for Christmas or her birthday or something. Whenever. I couldn’t decide, so I stuck it on a shelf to worry about at some later date.

 

So, skip forward from that to last week. A different friend who works with me now had a particularly rough day. She was literally betrayed by someone who had been a friend. For no fathomable reason this person acted in a most callous and disgusting way. It really hurt her, and those of us around her, her friends, did what we could to be supportive. Sometimes there isn’t much you can do, but you do what you can to take away or minimize the hurt.

 

That incident made me think about my friend of the Whipped Cream and Other Delights. I got the record off the shelf, wrapped it, and found a way to get it over to the school where she works now. It just might make her day.

 

I could have waited until Christmas, but I got to thinking, if I have a way to make someone I care about smile or make them happy, then why wait?

They might really need that smile right now.

Stars

It happened again this morning and it doesn’t ever get old. Two days in a row, in the same area of the sky, I got to see shooting stars. Today’s was better. Again there was no moon, but this morning there was no clouds at all, rather than the whisps yesterday. The air had a bit of a chill so the stars were a poppin’. The meteorite was a bright one, and came to light under a familiar constellation, like someone underlined the legs of Orion the Hunter, with a truly magic marker. Its tail was thick and had a sparkle that hung on for a moment before it faded into the dark sky.

That is one of best things about getting out in the morning. I love it. Out and hitting some part of town where ground light is scarce and looking up at a part of the sky that is just teeming with stars. So many that there are no discernible constellations. No noticeable pattern.  Just thousands of points of light shining through the biggest Lite Brite paper ever. Every once in a while, like that errant onion ring in an order Burger King french-fries,  I get the unexpected surprise of a shooting star.

While everyone else is home in bed, I am there. I’m seeing this! Nobody else. I’m thinking like Melvin Udall in the movie As Good As it Gets, because he’s there and no one else is, “And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me.”  I suppose that feeling isn’t unique to me. I would hope that everyone has something like that. Maybe it is dogs, gardening, or dressing up like a plushie.

I just think that those meteors and I have much in common. Both of us traveling through our space, unknown to anyone but nature’s and space’s silent spectators. Out in the dark, momentum and gravity lead us on a trajectory to somewhere. I’m just glad that I’m not the one that bursts into flame and disintegrates.

When Its Over

One night this week, we came home to police. Not at out house. They were at a home on our block. I don't know where you live, but on our street, that is notable activity. Six in all. Some state troopers, a couple county sherrifs and a couple investigators, and a couple ambulences to boot. Asking around got us an answer. Someone had committed suicide there.

The people who live in that house haven't been around long. The house has been recently rehabbed and they were renting. I know nothing else about the woman who ended her life there. But as I am wont to do, I obsess about death, particularly unnatural death. You know, like too young, too early, or lives lost unnecessarily. Just questions.

Who was she? How old was she? What did she do all day before...?

Did she see me go by her house every morning when I went out jogging? Do I know her? Have I seen her? Did I say "hi" or "good morning" or at least smile at her?

I can only hope that even if it was just in passing that I was a positive presence, because I hate to think that someone who lived so close to me was going through that much agony, and I had no idea.

Did anybody know this was coming? Did they try to help? Was it a surprise? 


How does one just give up?  This is it? In a tiny garage, in a small town, in an obscure part of New York state? That is where it ends?  How could all hope be gone on such a beautiful, sunny autumn day? 

I don't know.

Suicide can be the end result of depression, mental illness, drug use, or just years of mental torment. But, I would think that any route to this action has to be paved with longing for opportunities missed. And lots of regret.

So, am I living the way I should? Am I happy with this life? Do I need to change anything? If so, why haven't I started?  I want to be sure that I am happy with today's choices ten years from now.

This doesn't make sense. It is a done deal and there is nothing anyone can do about it, so we might as well learn from her.

Be kind and acknowledge the people around you.

Be there for your family and friends.

Enjoy yet another beautiful day. 

Take a first step.

Do something that you've always dreamed of doing.

Lake Erie

My 14 year old son drives his mother crazy. He likes to point out the things he'd like to do someday.  What drives her crazy is not that he'd like to jump out of a perfectly good aircraft or that he wants to visit less than stable parts of the world. She hates that he refers to this collection of desires as his bucket list. "A bucket list", she says, "is for old people and I'd rather that the child that I worked so hard for, not plan for his death." Fair enough.

Ohio to the south. Ontario, Canada to the north.

I'm 45. Is that too old for a bucket list? Probably. I have too many things that I still need to start or even to add to that list to even think about the finality of my visit to this realm. Still, I think this Great Lakes trip is a good "goals list" item to check off. Visiting all the Great Lakes was never an actual stated goal, but it is one of those things that has a quirky uniqueness to it that makes the whole trip noteworthy. Even if it wasn't perfect.

I've heard that makers of oriental rugs intentionally stitch an imperfection into their work. Only God is perfect, so who is some rug maker to show up the Creator?  Lake Erie was our imperfection. At each of our stops, we found a beach, kicked off our sandals, and made our way to the water, letting the chilly northern water of the lake wrap itself around our feet & calves, or more sensitive areas further up. The kids would run on the sand while Jen and I had to pick out a few good rocks from beneath the water's surface for my little collection. We found the lake, but the water was out of reach.

It was the last day of our trip. We were going from Streator, Illinois all the way home to New York, by way of Canada. That is one long day, I'll tell you what. A long day after a long trip. After clearing the border at Detroit/Winsor we cruised up Highway 401. Our plan was the same as it was for Lakes Huron and Superior. Get close, find a road that ended at the lake, and look for a beach. Our closest opportunity was about 3/4 of the way across. Passing through West Lorne, Ontario we saw Lake Erie on the horizon.

I've seen this lake dozens of times. All our trips to Illinois and points west have taken us past Erie, time & time again. But I've never been in it. We drove through the town, out of the town, the past a patch of homes situated to take advantage of the beautiful view. Beautiful, indeed, but sitting up as high as we were, I was betting that the winter wind was killer. We were up high.

This is when I realized that I was staring down a Canadian dead end sign. A yellow diamond with a black checkerboard design. The end of the road. The minivan stopped at the guard rail. We weren't going any further. Stepping out of the van, I was greeted by a fence and a drop off. There was a path, on a steep grade going down fifty feet or so to the lakeside, that looked like it was more suited for a group of adventurous middle schoolers or some festive and/or amorous youth, than for two middle aged parents and three kids. Down wouldn't be an issue. Up on the other hand...



Dead end, kids. No soup for you!

The view up the coasts wasn't very promising either. High wooded cliffs up and down the coastline made beach prospects in the vicinity very unlikely. So, that was it. That would be our Lake Erie visit. We could have searched for another spot, but one was unknown. We had an hour or two of Canada left. We had another border crossing to go AND two more hours from Buffalo to home. This would be it.

So, we wouldn't get into the water. The same water that touches exotic locales like Buffalo, Cleveland, and Toledo, would not caress our feet. C'est la vie. Nothing is perfect.

Cliffs and barbed wire fences. It ain't happening.

Forget the makers of oriental rugs. I prefer the attitude of the Navajo. They leave a line of imperfection in their rugs that they call the spirit path, so that when they die, their spirit can escape through that line. With their spirit free, they can continue weaving. So, this imperfection will allow us to contiue our journeys & keep wandering. Perhaps one day we will wander back and finally set foot in Lake Erie.  With any luck, it'll be before I'm old enough to call it a bucket list.

Princess Smack Down

I can empathize with my daughter. I was part of a household where the gender ratio was tilted heavily toward the female side. But, if it bothered me at the time, I can't say. It probably did. There is only so much of Barbies, clothes, make-up, shoes, & periods that a young man can take. Baseball and seclusion in my room must have been my coping behavior. My daughter is much less ambivalent. She does tire of superhero  and video game talk and she isn't afraid to let the boys know that.

The train ride from Florida to Virginia is a long one. That evening as we sat in the lounge car, she put her foot down, and said, enough of the Avengers talk. With that, my job was to find a topic that all the kids could enjoy. The answer, naturally, was ass kicking princesses.


The basic question was: Who is the toughest Disney princess?  We were in the Disney zone. A flurry of Disney movies prior to our trip, a week at the Disney parks, and ALL that talk of ALL things Disney had us primed. Everyone had an opinion. All yelling at once. I had to go all Voltaire on them. If you're going to discuss this, you have to define your terms!

First, who qualifies as a princess? Belle, Snow White, Ariel..they are obvious. Mulan? Pocohontas? Not exactly royalty and their status doesn't seem so clear. The official Disney Princess Website said they were. That is an official source, so with that, those being considered were Snow White, Cinderella, Aurora (Sleeping Beauty), Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Pocahontas, Mulan, Tiana, Rapunzel, & Merida. That part was easy.

Then, we had to decide, what is tough? There was much arguing, yelling, and movie quotes were flyin'. Taking various examples, we narrowed it down to four categories. Physical toughness, mental toughness, intelligence, & bravery. Most of these seem self-explanatory. Although, just to be clear, by mental toughness, we decided, would include traits like determination, confidence, and defiance.

The bottom of the list was pretty easy for everyone. Sorry, early princesses, it's not that you're weak. You were just drawn that way. 

11. Aurora

10. Snow White

9. Cinderella

8. Ariel

These princesses had great stories. Challenging stories. And those bottom three were workers, boy. They weren't afraid to get in there and get their hands dirty. Literally. Aurora lived in a cabin in the woods with three old ladies. That is a lot of wood chopping, cleaning, and beating your clothes clean with a rock down in the icy water in the creek. And don't tell me she wasn't angry when she realized she'd been wiping with leaves all those years while her three old room mates had magic wands packed away.

Snow White was raised as a princess, but knew how to shape up the dwarf's cabin. Woodland creatures didn't do ALL the work.

Cinderella, too had to work her way through life, until the big day. But when it came to the turmoil of these princesses lives, stuff happened TO them. They were batted around by fate and were subject to the actions of hunters, maniacal dragons, and prince charmings.

 Ariel got a little bump by signing on with the Sea Witch. Gutsy, but even that, though, was throwing herself to the whims of fate. All she did was sign her name. But Ariel got some props for maneuvering the human world, moving her up to #8.

 

 The next two...

7. Pocohontas
6. Jasmine

...are tough because there isn't much to go on.  Both were raised as princesses. Not exactly hard lives. Pocohontas had to be outdoorsy, and fearlessly jumped over a waterfall, so that moved her ahead of some.

And with Jasmine, it is hard to look tough when your outfit is a tube top and parachute pants. But there are bad ass points to be gained when your best friend is a tiger. And pole vaulting between buildings is a hint that she has some athletic skills.

 

 

 5. Rapunzel
 4. Tiana

This is the point where there were differences of opinion, but in reality, is probably a toss up. Rapunzel had been locked in a tower, yes. But still, she didn't have hard times. Athletically, Rapunzel has skills. Using her hair to pull her evil "mother" up the tower had to be build up her core, big time. Hooking up with a wanted criminal, then crashing a bar full of thugs & ruffians with a frying pan as her only weapon, Rapunzel did pretty good.

Tiana had a harder life. She knew the cards were stacked against her and she fought it out anyway. Like Rapunzel, Tiana had a dream and she worked long, long hours to make it happen.  Ignoring peer pressure, defying racial bias, and using her street smarts put Tiana toward the top. And besides that, she kissed a damn frog! That nasty! But it helped ger her to #4.

3. Belle

Sure, Belle looks all girly, but there is plenty of evidence to the contrary. Hanging outside the social norms of her town, willingly taking the place of her father in a prison guarded by a huge scary beast, and fighting off a pack of wolves shows her moxie. Belle even took on an angry mob with her aging father and a chipped, talking tea cup for back-up. She's got guts. And she's my favorite. I can't believe I left her as low as #3.

The top two were the easiest. You can't really fight these two. Literally and figuratively.

2. Merida

Merida is a princess. Her mother would really like her to act like one. But she doesn't want to. It just isn't her. Merida isn't just a tomboy. She beat the best soldiers in the kingdom in the bow & arrow competition. And can hit just about anything with an arrow riding a horse full speed.  She is a skilled horseman and a cracker jack archer. When she was pissed at her mother she got a spell to turn her into a bear, then was devastated that she'd done such a thing. So, Merida had that touch of mental imbalance that makes her someone you don't want to mess with. That girl is craaaaaazy! But she comes in at #2.

 

Finally, #1 is Mulan.

 

This Chinese firecracker has a history that is similar to Merida. From a well off family, Mulan's mother tries to make this girl into the ideal Chinese young lady, but fails miserably. Then despite China's rigid gender roles, when the time comes to step up and stand in for her ailing father, Mulan defies her family, culture, & her place by going to battle for him.

 

 

Technically, Ariel did the same, but Mulan endured, and succeeded, in a medieval Chinese boot camp, went off to war, and could have gotten the ancient Chinese equivalent of a purple heart for her wounds in battle. Once you kick the Hun's buns, you're king of the mountain.

 

 

This list was in no way meant to disparage any princesses. I'm a believer in multiple intelligences. Everybody is good at something.  Snow White is in tune with nature. Pocohontas has got some existential groove going on. And Cinderella can really work a crowd. But if there is going to be a rumble, some little neighborhood smack down, then Mulan is your gal.

 

Please leave a comment. Tell me, who is your choice for toughest princess?

Lake Superior


Finally, here. Lake Superior is the one I had been waiting for. Being the northern most of the Great Lakes, Superior is the end. It is the edge. Standing on its shore one looks north and out there is something else. Literally, of course, that something else is Canada. But I prefer the figurative or emotional sense of something else as, another world. Adventure.

The coastline of this lake always looked to me like someone’s hand posed to make a shadow puppet.

Yes, there are borders that reach further north. Those M states, Maine, Minnesota, & Montana are among those who got that covered.  And, one could make the argument that standing on some spot betwixt North Dakota and Manitoba is about as remote as you can get. Is there a more lost feeling than standing in the outlands of America, staring an imaginary line or fence posts lined up to the horizon, all the way east and all the way west?  Oh, to step across that line, with not another person in sight. Just some moose or wolf and the CIA looking down from a satellite to watch your every move.

I don’t want to be lost. I want adventure. Land has roads. Roads take you somewhere in particular. In a sea, there are no roads. You board a ship on your way through no man’s land, risking the elements, the waves & water. That is adventure. Standing on that beach, I’m thinking I need to crawl into a boat and sail of on some Lord of the Rings kind of quest. That is the mystery and danger of the lake that the Chippewa called Gitchigumi and the one whose most famous victim, the Edmund Fitzgerald was taken down in 100 mile an hour winds.

But our day would not be so risky. Heading out across Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, we were off to Green Bay, Wisconsin. In our Ford Freestar, we had to drive north, the opposite direction of our final destination, to get to the lake. It would be a whole day, interstate free. Nothing but Michigan state highways, passing through the Weedsports and Streators of the Wolverine State.

Our plan was the same as it was for Lake Huron. Drive to the coast and find a beach. Simple enough. Eventually, we came across the appropriately named, Sand Pointe Beach. At Huron and Michigan we took rocks from the water as souvenirs. But I combed that beach. I dug. There wasn’t a rock to be found. Nothing but beautiful soft sand from the parking lot, well out into the water. It was luxurious enough to make any Florida beach green with envy.

Not a rock to be found. My wife scooped up a cupful of sand, which has become my favorite souvenir.

But this sure wasn’t Florida and I don’t say that just because the mid-July ice water around my feet. Each of the lakes that we had visited had such beautiful views and vistas along with those visitor friendly beaches. What the Great Lakes have that Florida doesn’t, is a lack of development. Looking out to sea, there were long forested patches of the coast and a watery horizon that seemed as if they would have looked no different to a traveler in 1950, a sailor in 1850, a prospector in 1750, an explorer in 1650, or an American Indian in 1550.  

 

And that water was cold. Ninety degrees outside but the kids were quite tentative, taking baby steps into the frigidness. That is until mom came screaming by, kicking water and splashing. Ice water on their heretofore unexposed skin made them jump like they were jolted with a defibrillator. AWAKE they were, suddenly, stomping and splashing about themselves.  With a few hours of driving ahead of us, our Superior trip was short, but did not disappoint.

 

When I look at a map of the United States, my eyes are drawn to my place. I grew up in Illinois and when I looked at a map, Lake Superior was always at the top.  The North Coast. Setting foot in this lake was one thing that I have always wanted to do. But there has to be more. I need to take my Lake Superior dream up a notch. But how? Can you make the realization of a life long dream even better? I could go to Duluth.