One night this week, we came home to police. Not at out house. They were at a home on our block. I don't know where you live, but on our street, that is notable activity. Six in all. Some state troopers, a couple county sherrifs and a couple investigators, and a couple ambulences to boot. Asking around got us an answer. Someone had committed suicide there.
The people who live in that house haven't been around long. The house has been recently rehabbed and they were renting. I know nothing else about the woman who ended her life there. But as I am wont to do, I obsess about death, particularly unnatural death. You know, like too young, too early, or lives lost unnecessarily. Just questions.
Who was she? How old was she? What did she do all day before...?
Did she see me go by her house every morning when I went out jogging? Do I know her? Have I seen her? Did I say "hi" or "good morning" or at least smile at her?
I can only hope that even if it was just in passing that I was a positive presence, because I hate to think that someone who lived so close to me was going through that much agony, and I had no idea.
Did anybody know this was coming? Did they try to help? Was it a surprise?
How does one just give up? This is it? In a tiny garage, in a small town, in an obscure part of New York state? That is where it ends? How could all hope be gone on such a beautiful, sunny autumn day?
I don't know.
Suicide can be the end result of depression, mental illness, drug use, or just years of mental torment. But, I would think that any route to this action has to be paved with longing for opportunities missed. And lots of regret.
So, am I living the way I should? Am I happy with this life? Do I need to change anything? If so, why haven't I started? I want to be sure that I am happy with today's choices ten years from now.
This doesn't make sense. It is a done deal and there is nothing anyone can do about it, so we might as well learn from her.
Be kind and acknowledge the people around you.
Be there for your family and friends.
Enjoy yet another beautiful day.
Take a first step.
Do something that you've always dreamed of doing.
You ask lots of the right questions, Thom. The lessons learned from your neighbor are all valid, high quality ones. Suicide doesn't make sense except maybe to the person choosing it. And then I'd venture it is only "sometimes." Sometimes one just does 'give up.' I have been close to that on occasion, and have been pulled back into the light due to medical intervention. And likely, I believe anyway, Divine Intervention as well. This is a quality piece. Sad about your neighbor. May she rest.
ReplyDeleteThis is sad. I think about these questions too. Knowing we only have a limited number of days left, it's so hard to imagine choosing to end your life. You can never really know another person's journey, that's why I try to just be kind.
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